Thinking! Pondering! Blogging!

Today has been a day that I have been thinking allot. After coming home and getting asked to go back out I took them up on it, I had a ticket for the 4th of July to fly back to Hawaii. After a few messages I lost confidence in the ability to get home or even go anywhere for the 4th's festivities. I also really don't like the feeling of setting alone on a holiday which is one where you traditionally enjoy it with family and friends doing fun things and capping off your day watching fireworks. So I had decided that I don't want to experience that empty lonely feeling again so I called the airline to change my ticket to a different date. I thank God that it really worked and it did not cost me an arm and a leg. Well, I also thought that if they have only 2 vehicles in Hawaii and I land at 8:16pm, that doesn't give them much time to go do anything fun or enjoy their night while trying to accommodate me. I think it worked out much better for me and everyone else.
I did enjoy the 4th, I do wish I got a ticket for Saturday or Sunday, because now I have to wait an extra 5 days before getting out to Hawaii.
I do miss Hawaii, I really do miss going to the temple ground there. The temple in Laie is beautiful, but the grounds are so nice, very large, and just a nice place to go to spend time alone and really think and study your scriptures while enjoying the beauty around you. I have not yet been inside of the temple, but just being there makes me feel better. I really have been struggling with allot of things and just by going up there would just make me feel as though everything I have been doing was ok, that I had made the right choices for me.


Photo of the temple in Laie.













(Below)Check out this view from the temple over looking the grounds and you can sorta see the visitors center (left hand side), this is where they hold allot of events and show many different movies. Brent, Kevin and myself watched a Asian movie in there about their culture and how it is close to Christianity. The theater we were in had a waterfall and small creek running in front of the screen, it was so neat, it was cool and just so relaxing to just be in there.




So having so much time, I keep double thinking everything I am doing and wanting to do. I feel like I am not making the right decision, but I do not want to go back a hourly job. I need to go make the most of my summer by being productive and taking a step out of my comfort zone, I know this will be great for me and be good for the future. I think that we are put into situations for a reason, I think this reason for me is because it is preparing me for what I have to deal with in the future. As a matter of fact, I had been feeling really bad, just not happy or feeling exited about anything, I miss certain people and talking to certain people that always make me feel good when talking to them. Like I said before I had been thinking allot about what I am doing, but logical thinking tells me that I need to keep on with this regardless of how I feel. So last night I was reading the scriptures and then started to read an article in the July 2008 Ensign, "Waiting a little season", p.32, The story is going on about a girl who was steadfast in her life and always living the best she could in righteousness, she was not married and was not close to being married and said she did not question it but prayed one night for understanding. Then she says she was reading in the DC, and come across the story about Zions Camp and how they were protected as they marched, but as they come to their destination they were commanded to disassemble. She said she applied this her situation and this is what she said:

The Lord is not disregarding the miles I've traveled with His army but is purposefully building on those effort so that I can be a stronger defender in His kingdom. As I strive to be faithful, humble, and patient, I will know more perfectly my duty and the things He requires at my hands.

This story really hit me, I think that I have been doubting allot of my own decisions and things that I have done, when truly, I think I have been guided to do what I have done and accomplished the things that I have accomplished thus far in my life. I think so far I have learned a great deal in being humble, but I also think that due to my own abuse of agency that I may not be where I really want to be in life. I do know that through the power of repentance and the mercy of God that I can be where I want to be and where he wants me to be to be able to be the best that I can be.
I have to disclaim that repentance is such a personal thing and I know many religious people think that you have had to done something very very bad to repent, but I think that even when we feel proud, or think unhealthy things about others that we need to take the time and ask for forgiveness of those people we have wronged and God that he may help us be better and give us the strength to not do it again.
So, reading my Blessing, it does not give me any sort of specific insight as to what I do in my life and just lets me choose a career that I like. I often think about this, I think about my own attributes and what I know and what I like... what and where can I go with these things? I think I am shy, but people tell me that I am easy to talk to and I am a people person, yet after being around allot of people I feel tired and so exhausted. I know I have skills to manage people and enjoy the challenge of making a business work and finances work out also. I just ask myself allot, "Where do I go and what do I do?" I've yet to find something I can see myself doing for along time. I think this summer will open my eyes to a new world that I knew was there but never payed any attention too.
Well, I guess this is enough analyzing going on here, it actually is starting to sound uberly depressing!!!! So I shall stop now because I do not like that to be depressing, its just a point as to where I have to decided which direction I take the next step in my life.
I shall be gone.
Ciao!!!