Tuesday, March 6, 2012

LIfe can really kick you when your not looking

It has been a year since my last post! Crazy, I know!
Through the years, you learn to grow a hard outer shell to protect yourself from the powers that may be. Along with that, we loose track of our inner selves to easily, we forget how truely simple we are, as humans, as beings! We get lost in the world and never touch base with what we need. So recently I have stepped back, away from that awful ledge to re-examine how my life is going, and what I see, is not what I want, so I have decided to change it. I decided to start by doing yoga once a week, I go to a local studio and do an hour. I always feel better, I have started to read a new book, it was written by a lifestyle coach I once met. Do you ever meet people and just know they are someone special, they were born with a gift and you can feel it and know they have it? This guy was one of those people, the day we met, we had an amazingly deep conversation, shared some amazing stories and thought, so I decided to get his book and read it. Maybe I will run into him in person again, and when that day comes I can have a more open mind to enlightenment and share my energy with him as he does with others.

Something I have bee thinking about is purchasing new things for my home, everything I have has been given to me, so I have nothing that is just mine. As I set here now, I look around my room and see stuff that is functional but does not really connect with me any longer. I think it may be time to start building my own collection of things.

Till next time!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

A great dose of reality

Sometimes in life we get into slumps, it makes it hard to see that we are in a slump, and at times, we get the fortune of meeting people or talking to someone to help us see where we really are in life. Im not saying that we will see our monetary view in life.
Before I even start into my actual story, let me give you a bit of background. I come from a mixed family, being raised next to the reservation that my mom was from, I had always had a strong connection to "my people", I quote that because I am torn, I am of fair skin, so many ask how I view myself as part native. Well, How can I not? My Grandpa and cogo ( g-grandma) lived out there. It is not like it was way back when is when there was mixing of bloods happening....
So, what that is saying is that I have a very strong connection, a heart burning knowledge of knowing I belong. I was once told that a deceased relative on the other side is with me who guides me and they help me run into the right people <--- thats another story.
Yesterday I met with a friend to do some beading and just chat, she is an older native lady who is LDS, we have some great discussions. After talking with her and her daughter, I feel almost as tho a part of me has a new rejuvenation. It was really nice to have people who know alot about beadwork to actually acknowledge my work and actually say its very good... I didn't think it was that good.
But just after meeting with them, I feel better, they shared some more knowledge with me, sometimes I think I just need that.... I honestly feel deprived when I work all the time and never have time to mingle with the natives... This sounds crazy to most people, but unless you feel as though you are divided between two different cultures, yet don't feel fully part of either one, you will never know the feeling.
Now is it I feel that way... I don't really know! Sometimes i think I am an old soul in ways, but sometimes I think I just feel out of place.......
So this got kinda deep, and confusing... hahaha, but what I really wanted to say is I feel better about after talking to them, and helped me realize that my current environment is not good to my creativity and overall health...
SO I am currently working on a new beading project, I am going to finish it soon before my next meeting for some beading time with some one.

Thats enough for now... I am tired of typing


Saturday, March 26, 2011

It has certainly been too long!

In the past year I have landed a career type job, graduated from ISU with my B.S. in HRTD, and started looking for houses to buy. Not in that particular order though. ;)
So let me give you some back log on why it's time to purchase a home. The last six month I have been renting from a couple who lets their kid live for free in their property, which is fine, but I am seeing a trend. The contract was for six months, $150/mo including utilities, its a small place. So after this winter, the parents of the kid started talking about how much it is, the average gas is about $46 and electric seems to be around $35. So he and myself are to split that... well, I am pretty sure it is not part of the contract, but I will do that research very soon. So my perception is that because i am not a student and have a career job they think I am very rich and make lots and lots of money, which I may, but it certainly isn't any of their business. So I let logic decide that its not worth renting any longer and to purchase a house.... which can only be a good thing!

I have found a few houses I like, but I run into the issue of setting on it too long then someone else will jump in and get it. So I always have a few options to choose from. Currently I am working on 2 houses, trying to decide what is really important to me.

For now, Im signing off.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Somedays I really rely heavily on others for strength!!!

As I have been volunteering, I have found that with the specific project I am working on I find myself slowly loosing my natural attacking nature to be aggressive to get things done and to be a go getter. I was recently talking to another volunteer who also was a go getter, and as we discussed out frustrations with our current situation. I don’t think it is common with all projects; we are currently with an organization who wanted to get these projects done, so they applied for grants, which we satisfy. They are not necessarily for a full 12 months worth of work, but as we have come to find, much of what we can do depends on everyone we work with, who are VERY busy and probably find us volunteers as a nuisance most of the time. Just for the time we have to wait, the stuff we get to deal with, it almost wears us down, you feel that you are loosing your aggressive nature to become more successful, promote, prove yourself, and feel that you are accomplishing something.
I think it is great, the projects that we are working on, they are to better the lives of people who are affected by the current economic situation, but I do think that the department as a whole was not ready for us to come on board, and why would they, because they too have such a heavy workload to deal with to help the people and customers who are here for their help.
I have hit my six month mark, I am half way done. I hope to finish out the project, because I don’t want to leave anything undone. Plus, it would look great to finish and have my finished product to show off once it is implemented state wide. Although I have many struggles, and am on the prowl for a career, I just need to find a new opportunity to volunteer to feel satisfied in what I am doing. Plus, I can get experience in teaching/training from volunteering, probably not enough that is needed for what I want to do, but enough to help me lead into new directions and make contacts.
So I need ideas of where to possibly look to volunteer my time in the evening’s to gain more experience in teaching, training, developing training materials….. do you have any suggestions?
Cheers for now!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Im not really made out of snails and puppy dog tails

I have had alot going on, I am working for the federally funded VISTA assigned at the Idaho Department of Labor. It has been kinda tough, I am not used to setting for 8 hours a day at a computer. But I am making it work, I have no choice, its still a income and I sort of enjoy doing it.... its just alot of time to do it. It is work that is not tangible that i can walk away and feel good about accomplishing till the very end. I am used to walking out of the building seeing what I have accomplished, and feeling goo about it. I have been pain stakinly working on some thing, but a recent direction was given, and the ladies in charge are working with me and using my materials. That makes me feel good, now I have a tangible situation to refer to. I love that people are now referred to me to deal with employment issues, I guess you could say in a way they use me, Ha, but I like it. It makes me feel like I am not working towards something that I get to see become better.

Hunting season is here, sadly this year I am not going out. I have no shot much so its not worth spending the money for a "just in case" situation. But I have a few guys who are giving me their hides which will be good.

It's late, i think I am done with this blog for the night.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

paper work sucks

I got the call from "job1" about paper work, so I check my email and there is one little link that I need to follow. Well I get there and its 3 hours worth of forms, online training, and how it affects federal job status. This is alot more detail than I really expected to deal with dang it. I was also notified that I cannot have any part time jobs or side gigs to make spare money. So I am going to have to stay quiet about certain "skills" I sale to people, hahaha, no dirty stuff of course. You know, my bead work.
Anyways, I just thought I would say how annoyed I am at all this paper work for a job considered volunteer work... although once I am finished, it wouldnt be bad to not compete for federal jobs with general public. Ha

Friday, June 26, 2009

Ah, job stuff

So as I have been applying for about ten jobs a week since school got out, now I am "reaping"the "benefits" of applying. Sadly for me, this always happens, I get inundated with a large amount of interviews, possible jobs-if you will. And needless to say this is the current situation, not to mention, I am still applying for jobs. You may ask, why are you still applying if you have interviews, well, simply stated, you never know what is going to happen or if it will go through.
So I interviewed for two positions at an OK place to work, not a career but a well paying job, that I think I impressed the ladies interviewing, they were fun to talk to..... easy to get along with too, them I like, because you know when you go in for an interview and they try to be intimidating? I hate that! But these two were fun to talk with, I like to think Im coming out of my "shy" slump.... its been like a month, and I have actually been kinda shy and a inny... not me!
Back to my story, I am getting as bad as my mother telling stories-- drawn out--extra long, I am in hopes of that job, the well paying one, then I recently had an informal interview, or so the lady doing it called it that, I did not even get my hair did, shoot I was wearing a pair of green slacks with crazy leather shoes and a funky shirt, cuz it was informal! well, after my first interveiw with the well paying job I get a phone call from a lady wanting to know personal information, if I had eny "special needs".... I told her I have to see her first before I answer that question, LOL, thankfully she got a good belly giggle out of that, cuz it could of been a bad deal. So I finally ask who she is and why she wants this information, she tells me that I have to be in Seattle for training in a few months and its an all expense paid trip. I was like -- (the voice did go a little bit black) "what? hold the phone lady, are you sure you got the right number? Is this candid camera? How do you know where I am? I know there is a lady acting strange behind me.. is that you?" She said NO!!! then told me about the lady who I had the informal interview with and she sent my name in, I told her I only had the interview, not been informed of any more than that. then I hear a "Congradulations, and now we need this information". So we did it, she asked if I had any questions, by this time my stomach was all sorts of upset because I thoght that deal went down the toilet with last nights dinner, but I guess not! So I am going to Seattle, but I still have not job until this Seattle trip, which sucks! So that is why I keep applying, because if I do that job from the informal lady, then I need supplimental moneys somewhere, I will have some coshy hours, hell ya! Its about time I get some where in this world! Weekends off, holidays off, nights off, the ladys I would work for would not really be my bosses, they would be "guides" to say the least, I would be like 2 steps away from the Governor, or that how many steps before he would review my work. Not litterally tho, I would be located in Pocahello.
So, still, I am in a perdicerment, cuz the well paying job would be bad to get a rap for turning down jobs out there, in case I ever need that job in the future....

I guess how No Dobt would say it, "It's my life" I better get used to it.... and better plan for it too..... I am sure this kinda crap will happen till the day I die!